I think it is sad, I think its sad that relationships are no longer held to the highest regard that our parents and grandparents knew it as. Granted we live in a different time, we have so much more freedom and the consensus around relationships have adjusted but it is sad. We don’t consider the foundations of a relationship as roots anymore, we can sign up to an online dating app – swipe right, set up a date and the relationship not last longer than a month, we can meet a man or woman on a night out, send a few messages and perhaps make a go at a “relationship” for it to fizzle out after a few months. We have fallen into a cyclic routine of a approaching a relationship with haste and never much thought and depth.
I listen to podcasts such as ‘3 shots of Tequila’ and ‘The Receipts’ and watch videos that consider how relationships are to be and what they have become, to an extent I hear from voices around me, that we all crave a relationship that marries in substance, depth and value. But, how can we approach this level of depth with the speed and haste that we currently travel at? A relationship of value and worth should be considered over time and avoided in terms of a breakdown if we aren’t ready.
On the subject of “if your ready” – ask yourself the question, what do you want to take from a relationship? Is it to attend to your current loneliness or something to keep you ticking over in the mean time, if that’s the case then a relationship isn’t for you right now, and arguments can be raised as to whether a relationship matters to you in the same way it does to the next person but at the end of the day – a relationship falls into the building of a block, it’s the building of values, love, respect, growth, communication and the deepest connection of a mental, physical and spiritual tie to someone else. It is not a void to be filled or a feeling to encounter upon only for you to turn away, yes the relationship may break down but what was the pace you entered it at? Slow and steady wins the race – the most valuable saying that applies to so many elements of life, but applies so well to relationships, take your time and know the person … traits will appear and personalities revealed! So many emotions are thrown into a relationship to early and it blurs the lines, it construes the facts and quite frankly it ruins something that could have been so beautiful.
We have become so fixated with labels, but what are labels without the definition and description behind them? You want the wife or husband label but what actions are you projecting for that label to carry its worth – forget the label and work on the relationship yourself. Reduce the pace and just focus on building a foundation that you both believe is worth it. A lot of the time, society and pressures become a stumbling block, let the mixed messages rest, if a relationship is not for you, then let the other know and remove yourself from the situation, with time being so precious don’t waste it in a useless space of uncertainty.
Kings and Queens.
Final point, as Kings and Queens, never reduce your values, assets and truths for someone who appears to carry the royal labels. It is all about pace – reduce your notions and just take the time to know the other person, because your crown is so much more valuable than you ever know. As women, and a black woman myself, our crown is worth so much, we need to shine it, embrace it and show its beauty in every element – and for this, only Kings deserve to keep placing it on our heads every morning.
Do not get me wrong though, a lot of women misconstrue the value of their crown as a tool or gift to either be above themselves or through it away with so little regard! The crown is only as valuable as you make it, most certainly use it to highlight your own worth but never use it as a tool to diminish or reduce anyone else’s power – Kings or other Queens.
A note that real Queens, use their crowns to uplift, encourage and build – regardless of their pay packet, values and opinions – Don’t use your crown as a weapon for disregard, it’s a visual ailment to highlight your own value, never abuse it and the same can be said Kings.
Relationships today shouldn’t be rushed into, don’t go fishing for a potentially permanently fixture on a temporary emotion – relationships really shouldn’t be messed with.